Monday, April 1, 2019

Yrik Max Valentonis - Three Pieces

Random Recipes: Curried Pterodactyl with Fried Bananas

Ingredients ---
1 pterodactyl
5 pounds curry
30 bananas

You will need ---
1 turkey baster
1 blow torch
5 fuel tanks for blow torch
1 mallet
1 back up mallet (if you are a messy cook like me)
1 hacksaw

Directions ---
Bam! Burn! Bite!



I made a book out of a lobster and cooked it up with stone soup. A dingo wearing a tux walked out with the pot and said, “A head without a body is just a lumpy bowling ball.” The rooster flapped his wings and cawed, preventing any one else from entering or leaving the kitchen. All the party guests sipped their cider from finger bowls. A cabbage was brought out and ritualistically sacrificed. Mushrooms were strewn about. As the host, I trimmed my toe nails and plucked my nose. The guests piled their offerings of homemade fishing lures and silverware in front of the kitchen rooster, as they left. When the last guest had gone, I crossed another Tuesday off my calendar.


From Industrial Glow: The Ritual Requires

The ritual requires great pains of preparation. To be a successful self sacrifice is essential: bed not with any person excluding one's spouse only upon request, take in no meat of monkey nor meat of llama nor flesh of kiwi, call forth no demons, study not in ill light, carve not anything excluding turkey, shear not hair nor nails, and refrain from all mouse operated actions upon one's computer. The binary sequence of these sacrifices shall enhance the operations of one's config.sys.

This can only be attempted by those whom have already undergone initial initiation:
Change batchrun.bat files and reboot.
Enshroud the Modem in White Silk.

There are vows to be said:
Giri Japanese     honor, both personal & family
Agape Old Greek    soul love
Virtus Latin   virtue & courage
Peripheral Computer external input/output device

Securing love from a spouse

Separate the Elements and sow the seeds:

Possume amor pueris? Desidero pax vestro basiis dant mihi animo. Sumne corrumpo me cum hoc opto? Seco me ratio propter metum. Mos semper dubit est stulto maloque. Praemium me precis vestro basiis sunt satis superte timeo. Rogo gusta tuae basio et robusto corpo contra meam. Cum tempo audeo dice delecto e tu.

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