The Last Words of Johnny “The Cannibal” Tarlington
Transcribed in an accurate fashion under the most difficult of circumstances…
By Robert Masterson
…while the Wrestler himself, delirious, sometimes falling into unconsciousness from which he could not be roused, or wildly thrashing and screaming gibberish, trying to break free from those in the dressing room called upon to help restrain the dying Cannibal…trainers, towel boys, photo-bugs, locker room freaks…and at times attempting to do them harm, mistaking them for the visions with which he was tortured…
Is this the shiny part? Is it? Is it shiny? Oh. I love the shiny part…yeah…yeah…uh huh…uh huh…nu uh…Higher! Climb higher! Are you afraid of heights or something? Get up there. Get all the way up there…I saw them first, I got them first ha ha ha ha…Fucking Olympics and fuck the fucker fucking Olympics and Greco-Roman shit fuckers, too…I never took it, Mom. I swear to you, and I know you’ll never believe me, but I didn’t take it. I wouldn’t take it. Not ever, Mom, not ever…Two dogs is good, one dog is bad. Two dogs will play. One dog goes crazy. Three dogs, three dogs, three dogs…Okay, this one is for all the marbles, folks, this one is for the belt, the $1 trillion billion million dollar purse, and super-hot sexy girl valet Fawn!...Which one of these crazed maniacs will take home the glory and gold? Which one of these psycho-killers will become the King of the Ring?...SUNDAY…PAY-PER-VIEW…SUNDAY…PAY-PER-VIEW…$1 zillion stillion fillion skillion means $1 zero, zero, zero, nothing…it means it means no thing…It means you fight, little man. You fight. You want to eat? You fight...Oh, the shiny part…Times ten, I could. You and nine little fuckers that look just like you. I’ll knock each one of you out ten times, you little fucker… Like a million candles, all those flashbulbs on all those little cameras in all those little seats…MY house! MY car! MY woman!...By the lake at night, the sky twice. In the sky. Yeah. In the water. Yeah. Twice. Sky. Water. Sky. Water…There was a wonder, a wonderful, a wonder wonder wonder…And I will DRAG you out into the motherfucking street and I will KILL you and I will FUCK YOUR DEAD BODY IN THE MOTHERFUCKING STREET YOU MISERABLE MOTHERFUCKER…Sign it. Sign it. Sign it. Sign. It...Olympic Gold! The Impossible Kid with the impossible dream and you can see the tears in his eyes as the band plays the United States national anthem…What a story! What an athlete! What a kid!...Olympic Gold!...Gold!...Go!...Guh!...Pay-per-view, man, pay-per-view…Pay. Every time. Pay. Every time. Pay…Fucking don’t know who I am? Fucking don’t know who I am? I am the fucking Cannibal, man, the real fucking Cannibal, and I will fucking eat you. Ha. Ha. Only kidding…Uh huh. Uh huh. Nu uh. Nu uh.
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